A’yo you…you right there with no dreams but so much passion! Stop beating yourself up–the world already has that chore covered.
A sense of hopelessness has consumed your daily emotions. You feel lost, frustrated, confused. As friends take leaps toward their dreams, you continue making baby steps toward figuring out your own. This is not the life you envisioned.
Everyone else seems to have a gift. What is yours? Others call you inspirational. Maybe that’s it. If so, what are you inspiring them to do? Whatever they wish? Are you inspiring them to be great? Are you inspiring them to be greater than you?
Forgive yourself, poor soul, for you are competitive by nature. Society has played its role in this; we are taught that some professions are more honorable than others. Yet we can’t all be scientists and doctors, nor should we all want to be. We–and by ‘we’ I mean you–should do what makes us [you] happy, not what makes us [you] rich. But what makes you happy?
Does the world really need more writers and footsoldiers? Can you handle being just a drop in the bucket of people who think their opinions matter? You see voids that need filling yet do not want to be the one who attempts to do so. You concern yourself with the “what ifs” far more than you should and it will continue to cause your demise. What if you make the wrong decision and it all goes downhill? What if your efforts are in vain and you end up being a barista for the rest of your life? What if you try and fail? Or worse, what if you try, succeed, and are miserable?
Or…what if you succeed and find happiness?
You want to be happy as per your own definition. You want to wake up each morning proud of what you have done and who you have become. You want to inspire. You want to create. You want to inform. You want to impress.
Lots of wants, but what do you need?
You need to realize that your very existence is inspiring. Statistically speaking, queer Black bois should not be alive at your age. Yet here you are, queer as a three dollar bill and Black as Malcolm X with a tan.
You need to realize that you do not have to impress anyone but yourself. You do not have to prove yourself to anyone. You only have to lead a life you feel is worth living.
…lead a life you feel is worth living.
Perhaps that is where the turmoil begins. As it stands, the life you lead is worth much at all. There is more on your “could have, should have” list than “actually have” list. You could have learned to swim. You should have learned ballet. You could have learned a new language. You should have learned to read music. You could have learned to play an instrument. You should have improved your body. You could have taken your passions more seriously. You should have gotten involved. You could have, you should have…
Hush, child, speaking as though there is not still time. Silence those thoughts of failure. You are young and have accomplished much in your years. Acknowledge that. Celebrate that.
You must remind yourself that life is not a race. You are in competition with no one. You may not have a dream to work toward and that is okay. You will find your way. You must pay no mind to the friends in Costa Rica, San Francisco, or New York City, nor the friends who DJ, dance, and create films. You are not them. Stop comparing yourself, dear, please, before you drive yourself mad(der).
(Photo: Print and Be Merry )